How Mrs. Grinch Tried to Ruin Halloween

Andy has strict instructions to be generous with the trick or treaters. I mean 3 or 4 pieces each. I don’t want any leftover candy. I’m a candy addict and it’s dangerous for me to have it around.

When I heard about that woman who is giving notes to overweight kids instead of candy, I got livid. Hey, here’s an idea if you don’t approve of overweight kids getting candy, why not turn off your porch light and skip Halloween this year? Another alternative might be to ignore  the candy giving tradition and just  give raisins, dried fruit or granola bars. Give everybody the same thing or nothing at all. It’s not like overweight kids don’t have self-esteem issues anyway. The note giver is as bad as a bully. I’m glad this  awful woman has now earned a lifetime of egging and toilet paper trees.  She’s Mrs Grinch and she’s trying to steal Halloween! 

Anyway  I’ve been very good since June. I’ve had no candy whatsoever. Then we bought some Halloween candy on Sunday.By Sunday night, I had eaten some candy-not chocolate but candy just the same.

I’m not proud that I couldn’t resist it. I didn’t overdose on it but I still had some. Yes, I fell but I’m not going to shame myself about it. I’m going to find delicious alternatives to the candy. In order to have a not-loaded-with-sugar treat today, I made some delicious yet fairly good for you Butterscotch Blondies.

I was going to use some whole wheat pastry flour but when I opened the closed bag two moths flew out! Yes another ingredient fail. I had to toss the bag immediately and use all-purpose flour. 

I didn’t use up the butterscotch chips or the chocolate chips but I did use the rest of the brown sugar, so that was good. 

This recipe wasn’t  great in using up stuff before it went bad but good in that I have something to distract and satisfy me from the candy. See, like many other people I don’t like feeling deprived or shamed. Give me an alternative that will help me to make a better choice. Don’t say I don’t deserve candy; say here is something just as delicious that will satisfy you without driving your sugar intake up. 

You’re a mean one, Mrs. Grinch.


About cschoenwald

I'm a writer and performer living in Southern California. I love personal essays and personal storytelling of all kinds. I also have a background in sketch-comedy and improv, so humor is very important to me too.
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1 Response to How Mrs. Grinch Tried to Ruin Halloween

  1. I hadn’t heart that story. I’m sure someone shamed *her* once upon a time. Otherwise, how to explain such cruelty. Those Blondies sure look good. Well done.

    I’m glad to hear you’ve had such a good run avoiding sugar. Well done.

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